(POLITICAL SATIRE) (WASHINGTON–August 16, 2017) In a move that surprised all but his white supremacist supporters, President Donald Trump declared today that he was now also the President of the Confederate States of America.
“Look, there’s two sides to this question,” the President said at a hasty news conference. “Many people say that it was wrong of Lincoln to make the South stay in the Union. Lot’s of people are saying that. I think maybe it was, because you know there was a lot of violence against the South during the Civil War. Those Union troops came into Confederate states with guns and things, and it was just a very terrible thing to see. And so, I think it’s time we end all of this and we do the love, and so, I’m also now the President of the Confederate States. Because, you know, the south has suffered long enough, and anyway, I have a golf course down there and I can use it as the CSA White House.”
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