(POLITICAL SATIRE) (Valley Forge, PA–July 26, 2017) After his successful speech to the Boy Scouts of America, where he schooled the young crowd with a lesson in business, President Trump decided that it would only be fair that he also speak to the Girl Scouts.
The President began with a life lesson on the importance of looking failure in the eye and recovering to fight another day.
“I saw this girl once on the beach. Little older than you all are now. What are you–12? 13? Well she was older, I’ll tell you. I moved on her, actually. You know, she was down on Palm Beach. I moved on her, and I failed. I’ll admit it. I moved on her very heavily. In fact, I took her out furniture shopping. She wanted to get some furniture. I said, “I’ll show you where they have some nice furniture.” I took her out furniture —I moved on her like a [expletive]. But I couldn’t get there.”
Trump then discussed the importance of personal fitness, and asked the girls to stand and stretch.
“Nice! Ooh, nice legs, huh? Oh, that’s good legs! Believe me!”
Next, the President discussed the importance of good hygiene, getting out the Tic-Tacs he always carries with him.
“I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing you. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. But, I better not tell you what they let you do, I mean sheesh, you’re Girl Scouts, am I right? I better not. Wait. Should I tell you? No, I’m not gonna tell you cause then the fake media will be all over me.”
At that point the President waved good-bye, as the Scouts sat in stunned silence.
“That went very well,” Trump said to an aide as they were leaving.
This is indeed, SATIRICAL Fake News. But almost every word spoken in this satire by the President of the United States actually came out of his mouth, shockingly. See the transcript, below.
POLITICAL SATIRE. Not Real News