News Ticker

Attorney General Sessions says Trump has power to fire, not pardon, himself

(POLITICAL SATIRE) (Washington–July 25, 2017) Attorney General Jeff Sessions said today that he did not feel the President had the power to pardon himself.

“While I don’t feel he can exercise pardon powers on himself, he could certainly fire himself,”  Sessions said.  “Nothing in the Constitution prohibits him from exercising his right as a President to let himself go.”

Trump earlier said that Sessions recusing himself from the Russia investigation was “bad for the Presidency,” completely missing the profound irony of his statement, according to a spokesperson for the Attorney General.

“The A.G. stands at the ready to issue any sort of guidance the President requires in an effort to terminate his own presidency.  General Sessions serves at the will of the President, right up until he fires himself.”



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