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McConnell begins negotiations on GOP Wealth Care Bill; offers all citizens a free gun to sweeten the deal

Photo by US Senate.

(Political Satire) (WASHINGTON–June 23, 2017) In an effort to gather the 51 votes needed to pass the GOP Wealth Care Bill to repeal and replace Obamacare, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell floated the idea of giving all citizens a free gun as part of the package.

“Look, it makes perfect sense,” the Senator from Kentucky told The Failing Times. “We give every citizen a free gun instead of any Medicare subsidies. That way, if they get sick enough and can’t afford to see a doctor or get an expensive, ruinous operation, they can shoot themselves. Plus, it’s their right under the second amendment.”

The big gun advocacy groups were immediately supportive of the proposal, and fiscal conservatives loved it.

“As long as rich people don’t have to spend a penny helping poor and middle class people stay healthy, it seems to be something I could support,” Sen. Ted Cruz said. “Although, we’d still need to completely repeal Obamacare, because I just don’t like that guy.”

President Trump was asked if he thought McConnell’s solution was elegant, but it was clear he didn’t know what that meant so he refused to answer.

Democrats had no comment, since most of them were still at the bar after the special election in Georgia. Rumor has it that Nancy Pelosi was buying.

J. Staugas contributed to the reporting of this story.



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