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DeVos gets extra million dollars a month security after being threatened by bears

By Keith A. Almli (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Betsy_Devos.jpg) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

(Political Satire) (WASHINGTON–April 9, 2017) Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos was recently given a million dollars a month in extra security to deal with an “unspecified threat.”

But The Failing Times has learned the Education Secretary has been threatened by Grizzly Bears.

“She can have a dozen U.S. Marshals or a million,” said Hector G. Bear, a spokesbear for the Grizzlies. “But we know what she has planned: Bear guns in every school building, including New York City.”

DeVos had no comment on the matter.

But Mrs. Louanne Blackboard, a Principal in Kentucky, said:

“We could cancel a lot of bake sales with an extra million dollars. Hey, we could actually put that money to use for students. Like buying books that teach evolution.”

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