(Political Satire)(PALM BEACH, April 6, 2017) Sources deep inside the White House said that as late as this afternoon, President Trump was planning on launching Tomahawk missiles against The New York Times.
“He really, really, wants to change the subject from failed healthcare reform and the Russian connection. He thought getting rid of the Times might help, but then he was talked into bombing Syria instead,” said a source.
According to information given to The Failing Times, when the target switched to Syria, Trump at first wanted to bomb both Syrian military targets and refuges, “just to make sure we’re fair.” When the Pentagon told him they only had 50 Tomahawks to spare, Trump decided to aim all of them at the Syrian air force base because he wanted to make a “big boom that everybody will notice.”
The Failing Times asked the source if it wasn’t just possible that the latest chemical weapons assault had actually softened Mr. Trump’s heart, and the source said:
“Heart? He doesn’t have a heart. He has a Nielsen Ratings Box in there.”
POLITICAL SATIRE. Not Real News