(Political Satire) (WASHINGTON–March 30, 2017) House Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes today announced that he was delaying the probe into the Trump/Russia connection so that Russian President Vladimir Putin could murder all the remaining Russian witnesses.
“I thought it was the courteous thing to do,” Nunez said. “I mean, he’s gotten a good start, but there’s no use rushing things, and anyway, he hasn’t yet gone after any American witnesses who might come forward.”
A source inside the White House was pleased by the decision.
“We feel the prudent thing to do would be to wait on starting any investigation until we’re all certain that there’s absolutely no one alive left to testify.”
The Failing Times asked the Kremlin when Russian secret security agents might start killing American witnesses, and a spokesman said that any such claim was ridiculous, then killed our reporter with three shots to the head.
POLITICAL SATIRE. Not Real News