News Ticker

Millions of Americans decide to get sick now before losing health care coverage

monkeybusiness via

(Political Satire) (WASHINGTON–3.21.17) With the repeal of the Affordable Care Act imminent, millions of Americans have decided they might as well get sick now before their insurance becomes unaffordable.

Mr. Elmer Sawnut, a miner from Pennsylvania, 62, decided he would develop lung cancer earlier this month.

“It seemed like a good time,” Sawnut said. “If I wait to get cancer under Trumpcare, I won’t be able to afford the treatment, I’ll go bankrupt, and my family will be thrown into poverty. It just pencils out better to get cancer now, so I’m going with it.”

Mrs. Leviticus Armhammer, 36, from Ohio, decided to schedule her heart attack for early tomorrow. “I wanted to get it done before the House vote repealing Obamacare on Thursday,” she said.

All across the country, hospitals are reporting an increase in serious illnesses.

“People are anxious to get their medical emergencies taken care of now,” said a spokesperson for the Association of American Hospitals. “Right now we have a back up of heart attacks, but we still have room for emergency appendectomies.”

While patients feel this is just good planning, GOP leaders are howling.

“These people are gaming the system,” House Speaker Paul Ryan said. “The right thing to do would be to wait and get sick under the Republican plan. Getting sick now is just un-American.”



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