News Ticker

Ryan wants to make it easier for seniors to eat cat food by providing voucher

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(Political Satire) (WASHINGTON–3.19.17) Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, trying to defend Trumpcare, which would throw 24 million people off health care and make the cost of a policy to seniors unaffordable, and the cutting of Meals On Wheels in the proposed budget, today suggested that the government might be willing to help by offering seniors vouchers to buy cat food so that they could save their money for prescription drugs and still have “adequate nutrition.”

“President Trump has a big heart,” Ryan said. “Tiny hands, I’ll admit–but a big heart.”

The plan, floated by Ryan’s office this afternoon, provides vouchers for Little Whisker’s Cat Food, but only the ‘Beef Bi-Products’ flavor.”

“Sure, everyone would like our seniors to have the ‘White Meat Chicken’ flavor,” Ryan said, ” But we have to be honest about what we can afford. Seniors have to have some skin in the game. Just not the skin of a lean chicken breast.”



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