News Ticker

Woman about to lose health care ‘so happy’ that Trump looked presidential

© Szakaly via

(Political Satire) (KENTUCKY– Mar 2, 2017) Mrs. Florentine Crestfallen, 54, who has a rare cancer and receives a full Medicaid subsidy under the Affordable Care Act, said today that she was “relieved and so happy” that Donald Trump looked so Presidential at his speech before Congress.

“I admit, I was worried. But when I saw him so calm, talking about how I’d probably be thrown off of my health plan when Obamacare is repealed, I felt as if a one pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders.”

“Look, you have to give the President a chance. It’s not easy to dismantle the social safety net,” said White House Counselor Kelley-Anne Conway. “It took Ronald Reagan a few years to start to shift wealth from the middle class to the richest Americans. The American people are wise and patient, and know that ruining health care is very complicated. As the President said, ‘Who knew?’ ”

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan said that Mrs. Crestfallen has nothing to worry about.

“Obamacare is the biggest disaster since Social Security lifted millions out of poverty in their old age, ” Ryan said. “It has saved dozens of rural hospitals, funded untold numbers of health clinics, and has provided more health care to average people than at anytime in our history. This terrible program must go, so that people like Mrs. Crestfallen can go about the business of going bankrupt and provide us with a tax cut.”

But Crestfallen, who stands to be among the estimated eighteen million people who will lose coverage and probably descend into poverty or die for lack of funds for her very expensive chemo-therapy, said she agreed with Speaker Ryan and was not worried.

“I have three hundred dollars socked away in my health savings plan,” she said. “I also have my collection of commemorative plates from the Franklin Mint that I can sell. I just can’t get over how Trump didn’t mispronounce a single word of that speech.”



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