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Trump proclaims himself the source of truth; adds his name to books of Bible

@ ginosphotos1 via

(Political Satire)(FLORIDA–Jan 18, 2017) At a campaign style rally today, President Trump again attacked the free press as a source of lies and dishonesty, and told the crowd that he would be the source of all truth.

“You can’t trust the media. They are the enemy of the people. But you can trust me. And therefore, by Executive order, which I will sign at my Executive Order Tiny Desk, I have decided to add the Book of Trump to that great , great, book–an amazing book, really, when you think about it, and a book that has been doing so much good work for so long, and by that I mean, the Bible.”

Biblical scholars were immediately sent scrambling to determine just where the new Book of Trump would go.

“We are not sure whether the President means to insert himself into the Pentateuch, or if he intends his Book to be part of the New Testament,” said evangelist Franklin Graham, who once said he thought Mr. Trump won the election by the hand of God.

According to a source inside the White House, Mr. Trump said that “many people are saying” that the Book of Trump should be inserted right along with the first five books of the Bible, although the source also says “it’s doubtful he’s ever read past page one.”

“There is some debate whether the Book of Trump should come between Numbers and Deuteronomy, or between Exodus and Leviticus,” a source inside the White House told The Failing Times. “Bannon has been arguing for putting it next to Deuteronomy, since that book deals with the reconstruction of the nation.”

But Kelleyanne Conway, advisor to Trump, said, “The President himself feels he should go before Genesis. He’s very fond of the idea that his new Bible should start: ‘In the beginning, there was Donald Trump…’



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