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Trump says Ringling Bros. will relocate to south lawn of the White House

The circus train rolls towards its new home at the White House. (Photo Credit: © James G. Howes 1992)

(Political Satire, Still Legal in USA) (WASHINGTON, D.C.)(Jan. 29, 2017) In an effort to keep the circus going, President Trump announced today that “this great, great, American company” would be incorporated into his administration and would “soon pitch their tent on the south lawn.”

The new enterprise will be renamed “The Trump ‘Make America Great’ Circus,” and will offer free performances to all members of Congress every afternoon at 2pm. Attendance is mandatory, according to adviser Kelleyanne Conway.

“The President himself is looking forward to performing as Ringmaster. We’re having a really splendid red, white and blue tailcoat made for him out of one of the old tents,” she said, in what some insiders speculated was a slam at the President’s girth.

White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus said: “The President will also move all signing ceremonies to the Center Ring of the Big Top. He looks forward to signing the bill repealing Obamacare right after the act where the motorcycles speed upside down in that wire cage.”

GOP Members of Congress were immediately enthusiastic.

Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House, who favors gutting Obamacare, suggested that Trump also revive the side show.

“People who have strange, preexisting medical conditions could find gainful employment by exhibiting themselves at twenty-five cents per view. That money could help offset the cost of their healthcare, which makes them have skin in the game,” Ryan said. Then, with a smile, he added, “Some would have Elephant Man skin in the game.”

Other members of Congress are eager at the prospects of performing

“Sen. Orin Hatch and Sen. Charles Grassley are working on a tumbling act,” Ms. Conway said. “John McCain has a knife throwing bit he is eager to try.”

“I’m looking forward to performing,” McCain said. “I’m hoping the President will join me in the ring with an apple on his head.”

Cecile Richards, president of Planned Parenthood, suggested that Vice President Mike Pence “juggle Tampons, since he’s so obsessed with women’s reproductive health.” But a spokesperson for the Vice President said he was working up a “sleight of hand routine.”

As The Failing Times was going to press, there was no word on whether the Democratic Leadership has accepted Trump’s invitation to be clowns.

P. Scully contributed to the reporting of this story.

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