Advertisements
News Ticker

Press Secretary Says Trump Has Largest Hands in Presidential History

Gage Skidmore (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/legalcode)

(Political Satire, STILL legal in USA) (WASHINGTON, D.C–Jan 22–Presidential advisor Kelley Ann Conway and press secretary Sean Spicer held a joint news conference where they presented compelling alternative facts that President Donald J. Trump has record breaking sized hands.

Reading from what looked like a legal pad written on in black Sharpie, Spicer said:

“The President has absolutely the biggest hands. The President’s hands are huge, believe me. He has no problem in the hands department, I can tell you that. Lincoln’s hands were way, way, smaller. And you in the dishonest press know it.”

“I’ve seen them up close,” Conway added. “And they’re the best hands. And If the media keeps reporting on how small his hands are, we are going to have to re-think our relationship. Perhaps we should just be friends. I don’t think it’s going to work out.”

The spokespersons also insisted that alternative facts proved that Trump was the most popular President in United States history.

“All those women, millions, walking in the streets yesterday in support of Trump, and we hear none of that in the press. It’s appalling,” the press secretary said.

According to inside sources, right after the press conference, Spicer broke down backstage and left weeping. “I’m so unclean,” he was heard saying as he headed for the door.

##############

Support The Failing Times on PATREON.

Political Satire, Not Real News. Except for this:

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: