(Political Satire, Still Legal in the USA) (WASHINGTON, JAN 20, 2017) The United States of America died early today of massive injuries suffered on November 9, 2016.
The Republic, born in 1776 when patriots founded the USA on the concepts of individual liberty and equality, had been on life support ever since FBI Director James Comey interfered with the Presidential election eleven days before voters went to the polls.
The official cause of death was acute oligarchy, or Trump’s Disease, as it is sometimes called, with a secondary blunt force trauma caused by Russian Hacking Disorder.
“Now she belongs to the ages,” former President Obama said, as he and his family left the Capital for a well deserved vacation after eight years of unprecedented obstruction, veiled racism, and the outright theft of a Supreme Court appointment..
America had been ill and suffering ever since the Reagan years, but managed to rally for the eight years of Clinton’s term. It fell gravely ill and almost succumbed during the Bush Presidency, but then the Obama Administration prescribed a massive dose of Progressive Policy in the form of Obamacare, and the infection waned as millions of regular people were helped, a departure from the massive realignment of wealth that has been funneled to the top one percent of Americans since the 1980s.
But the country could not survive the election of Donald J. Trump.
“Until this election,” said US historian J. Walter Corderoy, “America had distinguished itself by never before electing its worst possible citizen. The shock to its system in doing so was just too much.”
Reaction from around the world was swift.
“This is a devastating loss to free people everywhere,” said German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
French President François Hollande, with tears in his eyes, said: “France has lost its best friend. We were there at your birth, we are saddened beyond measure to be there for your death.”
Russian President Vladimir Putin said, “It’s dead. Big deal. Get over it, crybabies.”
America is survived by the sixty-six million people who voted for Hillary Rodham Clinton. Funeral services will be held July 4th. In lieu of flowers, please donate to The American Civil Liberties Union.