(Political Satire, Still Legal in the USA) (WASHINGTON: Jan 18, 2017) After Secretary of Education nominee Betsy DeVos said that it would be okay for schools to have guns to protect against grizzly bears, a spokesbear for all Grizzly Bears in the U.S. told The Failing Times that they were heading to Canada.
“You people are crazy in the U.S.,” said the Bear. “I mean, you’ll shoot at anything. Schools with guns to protect people against us? We ought to be armed to protect us against kids! I mean, have you ever spent time with a 7th grader?”
The Bear said the Grizzlies would leave for Canada late Thursday night.
“No way we’re sticking around waiting for the Trump administration. We’re heading up to Toronto, where people aren’t walking around looking for something to put a bullet in. What’s wrong with you people?”
When asked what the Bears would miss most about the United States, the spokesbear said:
“Portions. You folks know how to eat.”
Political Satire, Not Real News