(Political Satire, Still Legal in USA) (NEW YORK, Jan 14, 2017) Under increasing concerns about his own legitimacy as the next President of the United States, Donald J. Trump has announced that he will not be attending his own inauguration.
“I’m appalled and disgusted by the careless, crass and dangerous tweets made by Donald Trump,” Mr. Trump , speaking of himself in the third person, said today.
“Furthermore, the increasingly frightening information that continues to come to light, that Donald Trump’s staff may have had direct communication with the Russian government during the campaign, is alarming and outright dangerous to the United States and our democracy,” Trump said.
“Therefore, as President of the United States, I am authorizing a full investigation of Donald Trump. Who is he? What’s his connection to Russia? Does Russia have information that could be compromising? America deserves to know, and until we do, I can’t in good conscious legitimize him. Therefore, I will not be attending Donald Trump’s inauguration,” said Mr. Trump.
When The Failing Times pointed out to him that he would be boycotting his own inauguration, Mr. Trump doubled down.
“All the more reason to make America Great Again,” he said, before adding, “Here, have a hat.”
Political Satire, Not Real News