News Ticker

Trump materializes into his human, corporeal form, to hold press conference

@ photonsk via

(Political Satire, Still Legal in the USA) (NEW YORK, Jan 11, 2017) President-elect Donald Trump, who after election night dematerialized into a disembodied Tweeting Internet Being, once again assumed a human form to hold a press conference today at Trump Tower in New York.

As his shimmering being mounted the stage, his staff cheered him on, glad to see that their boss and soon to be leader of the free world was actually once again among them after being out of his mortal coil for so many months.

But many members of the press were confused.

“I wasn’t sure whether or not he was fully used to being in his body again,” said Casper M. Luggenpresse, a CNN reporter. “The way he was babbling about us being a fake news organization made me think he was probably unused to using his voice box.”

At one point in the news conference, the President-elect drifted away, as if called by his unseen guru, Sri Roy Cohn, who is no longer in the body.

The President-elect then yielded the stage to a lawyer who launched into an  explanation of how he has divested himself from the Trump business empire, an explanation presented in the official Bar Association “Clicking Language,” making it all but unintelligible to regular human beings.

When the President-elect once again resumed the microphone, he was sharply questioned about whether the Russian government had anything compromising on him, questions based on the leaked document released yesterday.

Suddenly, Trump seemed to time shift, his being leaping into the 1940s as he accused the intelligence community of behaving “like Nazis.”

When he returned to present day New York, he seemed to be tiring of his human form, unable to hold himself in the material world.

He continually referred to himself in the third person, as “Donald Trump,” which experts say is a sign that he was about to once again return to his Internet realm of consciousness.

After about an hour, Trump began to wobble, and suddenly levitated towards the ceiling, astral projecting himself back into wherever it is he goes between appearances, which some believe may be a dacha near a lake outside of Moscow.

“It’s very tiring for him,”said Press Secretary Sean Spicer. “When he’s in the body, it hurts. You see, his human form has very thin skin. But it’s the best skin, I can tell you that much.”


This is NOT real news, Political Satire.

%d bloggers like this: