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EXTRA: TWEETING ORANGE HAIRED MONSTER LEAVES AMERICA IN RUINS

Michael Vadon [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

(Political Satire, Still Legal in USA) EXTRA– Cities and small towns across America lay in ruins today as a gigantic, orange haired monster, rampaging through the streets, cell phone in hand, destroyed everything in its path.

According to eye witness accounts, the creature stomped on buildings, and took bites of large parts of American life, including national security, ethics, freedom of the press, women’s rights, respect for diversity, facts, and plain old common decency.

“It was horrible,” said Margaret Everyone, from New York, who is covered by Obamacare due to a preexisting condition. “This creature swooped down on my apartment building, reached its tiny hand through my window, and grabbed my health care right out of my apartment.”

The monster continue on to several cities afterwards, Tweeting “STUPID” and “CLOWNS” as it continued on it’s deadly, destructive path.

When asked how to stop this creature, noted  Professor Harry Explainer said that it was very, very, difficult at this point.

“This Creature was created by a combination of antiquated electoral college atomic waste, a secret formula by Russian scientists, and, of course, a bit of help from FBI Director James Comey,” the professor said. “Nothing can stop it now.”

On its journey throughout the country, The Creature paused for several minutes, inexplicably Tweeting out messages about former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and the TV show, The Apprentice.

“We have no idea why the Creature did this, ” said Professor Explainer. “No one on Earth could possibly care, so it’s a mystery.”

When last seen, The Creature was heading towards Washington, D.C., and at its present speed was expected to be there by January 20th, despite efforts from the all over the world (with the exception of Russia) to stop it.

depositphotos_40347397_s-2015

Much of America lay in ruins tonight after Orange Haired Monster goes on rampage. (@ FairytaleDesign)

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This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. 

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