(Political Satire, Still Legal in the USA) NEW YORK– In a surprise move, President-elect Donald J. Trump has announced that he will appoint Julian Assange, one of the founders of Wikileaks, as the head of the Central Intelligence Agency.
“I like his explanation of the Russian hacking situation much better than the CIAs, “Trump said. “It’s really the answer that gets us moving forward instead of trying to really figure out if I was actually elected by the Russians.”
Assange has maintained that Wikileaks did not get help at all from the Russians, although The Failing Times has learned that an old server was replaced at their headquarters when somebody spilled borscht on it.
How exactly Assange will serve is unclear, since he sought asylum in the Ecuadorian embassy in London after he jumped bail.
But that didn’t bother the President-elect. “Hey, he doesn’t have to be in Washington. I’m going to be President, and I’m not going to live in Washington. What’s the big deal?”
When The Failing Times asked for a comment on the President’s choice to head the agency, a CIA source said, “Are you sure this is satire?”
This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. Smile, everybody.