(Political Satire, Still Legal in the U.S.A.) NEW YORK — In a last ditch effort to prevent himself from becoming the 45th President of the United States, Donald J. Trump made an impassioned plea for electors to choose somebody else.
“Choose anybody else, please,” Mr. Trump said today.
“I mean, when I started this whole thing, people said, ‘Donald, go out there and say you’re running for President.’ And I thought, that’s crazy. That’s completely hokey. But I did it, and I was like, wow–these people are so angry! It’s nutso. So I just started saying whatever, and they went for it. I tried every imaginable thing I could think of to prevent myself from being elected, but there it is. Now I’m begging.”
When asked who the electors should swing their support to, Mr Trump said, “Come on. Anybody. ANY-BO-DY. Alec Baldwin.”
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan agreed.
“He certainly never looked like a man who was running for President.”
We caught up with Mrs. Clinton walking her Poodle in the woods outside Chappaqua New York, and asked if she’d take the job, now that Trump didn’t want it.
“Nope,” she said. “He’s stuck with it. Putin went through a lot of trouble to get it for him. Besides, I’m really enjoying not having to put on make-up and answer questions from clowns like you. Or having to worry about trouble in the world keeping me up at night. From now on, when the phone rings at 3 am, I’ll just know that it’s Donald wanting me to sing him to sleep again.”
This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. Smile, everybody.