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Congress Can’t Decide On How To Investigate Trump-Russia Connection, So Will Stage a Musical Instead

Marco Rubio auditions for the musical earlier today, singing 16 bars of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" from EVITA. (photo: @ CJHPhotography, via

(Political Satire) WASHINGTON– After the recent CIA revelation that the Russian government made an effort to help Donald Trump become President, congressional leaders agreed that this was a matter of “grave concern” and “national security” and should be thoroughly investigated.

Unfortunately, Congress cannot decide how the matter should be reviewed.

“We’re for a full and robust investigation of this matter,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said today, “Just as long as we really don’t uncover anything and my wife still gets to be in the cabinet.”

In fact, there seem to be any number of ways that members of Congress could proceed. So many, in fact, that congressional leaders have basically decided to put a pin in an investigation for the moment and stage a musical instead.

“It’s the end of a Congress, and before the new one arrives, we thought it might be great to do something fun,” said Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, who favors the musical Footloose because there are a lot of cool parts for him.

But incoming Minority Leader Chuck Schumer of New York flatly rejected the idea of Footloose. “There’s too much dancing. Of course, the Republicans always do too much dancing. I favor something tried and true, like Annie.”

According to sources inside Congress, some of the other musicals being considered , along with casting, are:

Oklahoma!, with Marco Rubio said to be very interested in playing the part of Judd Fry along with Paul Ryan as Curly; Man of La Mancha, with Orrin Hatch talked about for the lead role of Don Quixote; Chuck Grassly and Dianne Feinstein in Pajama Game; and finally, The King and I, with Bernie Sanders said to be lobbying heavily to play the King, and in a surprise bit of casting, Lindsey Graham the front runner for the role of Anna.

General auditions were held earlier today and nerves are running high. “I really hope I get something,” Sen. Rubio said. “I need a boost after my showing in the primary.”

The Senate and House were still negotiating late today over a decision on which show to choose.

Meanwhile, President-elect Trump named a close friend of Vladimir Putin to be his Secretary of State.


This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. Smile, everybody.

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