News Ticker

Trump Appoints Pence as “Reader In Chief”

© ginosphotos1 via

(Political Satire) NEW YORK — In a move that surprised everyone, except his first grade reading teacher, President-elect Donald J. Trump today made Vice President-elect Mike Pence his official reader.

According to sources inside the Trump camp, Mr. Pence will now be in charge of reading everything for the President-elect.

“And we mean everything,” the source said. “Not just the security briefings. We’re talking his mail, the list of things to pick up from the store, even cereal boxes.”

Mr. Trump has downplayed the importance of reading as President. In fact, Kellyann Conway, Trump’s spokesperson, dismissed reading as “something that Democrats do.”

“Look, I’m a smart guy,” Mr. Trump said in an interview with The Failing Times. “I don’t have to read the same thing every day for the next eight years,” he said, in reference to those boring Top Secret security briefings. “If New York is attacked, I’ll certainly hear the sirens from the Penthouse.”

Mr. Trump still plans to read his Twitter messages, however. “That’s a matter of national security,” the President-elect said.

Rumors were also circulating that his Treasury Secretary would soon be put in charge of all of Mr. Trump’s math.

“That’s what a great leader does,” Ms. Conway said. “They listen to experts.”


This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. Smile, everybody.

%d bloggers like this: