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Guy From New Jersey Says He Did Not Influence Presidential Election

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(Political Satire) TRENTON– Some guy from New Jersey categorically denied President-elect Trump’s assertion that he could have influenced the recent Presidential election.

When Mr. Trump was asked about the possibility that the Russians influenced the outcome of the election, in which he won by less than 80,000 votes, Mr. Trump told TIME magazine that he did not believe it was Russia. “It could be Russia. And it could be China. And it could be some guy in his home in New Jersey..”

But the guy in New Jersey says it was not him.

“Look, I’ve got other things to worry about. I mean Chris Christie is governor here. So if I didn’t do it, it’s either got to be China or Russia. And why would China want Trump as President? I think he makes his ties in China and if he’s President, wouldn’t they have to stop making them? They’re very nice ties, by the way.”

But according to the CIA, they have evidence that directly links Russia with attempting to influence the election in Mr. Trump’s favor. Mr. Trump’s team believes the CIA is lying.

When asked if he thought the CIA was lying, the guy from New Jersey said, “I can’t say. I haven’t read enough fake news about it to really have an opinion.”

New Jersey Senator Cory Booker (D) demanded that President-elect Trump “stop picking on the guy from New Jersey. In fact, I insist on Congress investigating this. I believe it could have been some guy in Detroit.”

But Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky was quick to shoot back.

“I don’t see any evidence that a guy from Detroit influenced this election. We did a pretty good job of keeping anybody from Detroit from even voting.”


This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. Smile, everybody.

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