(Political Satire) WASHINGTON– Former Secretary of State and Democratic Party nominee Hillary Clinton visited the Capital yesterday and did not murder a single person, according to reliable sources.
Clinton, who was there to honor retiring Senator Harry Reid of Nevada on the occasion of the unveiling of his official portrait, spoke eloquently on the dangers of “fake news,” but resisted the opportunity to make someone disappear under mysterious circumstances.
“We did a complete head count of Senators, ” Mitch McConnell, Majority Leader, said late last night. “Everyone was accounted for. We found no bodies at all. It was a very nice visit, actually.”
News that Mrs. Clinton had not murdered anyone went swiftly around political circles.
“We take it as a very good sign that Mrs. Clinton did not murder anyone yesterday, ” said a source close to the Trump transition team. “We hope this behavior continues.”
Mrs. Clinton, who would have been the first woman President in United States history, dined with colleagues at the Senate cafeteria after the ceremony.
“As far as we know, she had a Cobb Salad. Not a single child eaten,” said a spokesperson for the kitchen staff. “We are prepared for any dietary requirements, but, you know, not that.”
This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. Smile, everybody.