(Political Satire) NEW YORK — In a stunning development early today, Elaine Sandoval, Principal of Ronald Reagan Middle School in Garden City, Long Island, discovered that two of her 6th grade students had been pretending to be Donald Trump for the last year.
The two, Lumpy Glesner, 10, and “Cheeseball” Rosca, 9, had been disguising themselves as Mr. Trump, with Lumpy standing on Cheeseball’s shoulders and then putting on a suit or trench coat.
“I can’t believe it, but these crazy kids went all the way through the primaries, beat off all of the front runners, and actually got themselves elected President of the United States,” Mrs. Sandoval said today.
The boy’s prank was discovered after they tried to appoint Batman as Secretary of State.
Reaction on the Hill was immediate. Mitch McConnell, the Senate Majority Leader, was elated. “Well, that finally explains all the crazy appointments and nutty Tweets. To say I’m relieved is an understatement. Now I can get on with, you know, not having to pretend that everything these kids said as Mr. Trump during this election wasn’t as crazy as a peach orchard boar.”
The real Mr. Trump has been on a private island in the Pacific for the last year, meditating and thinking of ways he can advance the cause of peace and brotherhood with his money. “I’m thinking of just giving it all away,” he said, through a spokesman.
As far as the Presidency goes,the real Mr. Trump expressed little interest. “What should it profit a man, if he should gain the world and lose his soul? Let Mrs. Clinton have it. She’s ready.”
Rep. Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House, was disappointed that he would not be able to gut Medicare and dismantle the social safety net. “But hey, at least we’ll have a country.”
According to the families of the two boys, their days in politics are over.
But Reince Priebus, Chairman of the Republican National Committee was not so sure.
“We’re thinking of running them for Senate next year. Those boys are naturals.”
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