(Breaking Satire) NEW YORK– In a move that stunned even his most vocal critics, President-elect Donald Trump has named Richard M. Nixon, the former 37th President of the United States, to be his Secretary of State.
The President-elect released a statement via a hastily made video to his web channel.
“Today it is my honor to announce the nomination of Richard Nixon to be Secretary of State. He opened China. He got us peace with honor, for… something. He’s a beautiful, beautiful, person, and, uh, I know he’ll do a great job with the Soviet Union.”
Later this afternoon Trump spokesperson Kellyann Conway appeared to answer further questions.
“The President-elect feels that Mr. Nixon adds a certain gravitas to his team. He has all sorts of experience in foreign affairs. Most importantly, he’s just about the only Republican who didn’t turn against Mr. Trump during the campaign.”
Nixon, who resigned in disgrace in 1974 over the Watergate Scandal, has been deceased since 1994. When asked if the fact that the nominee has been dead for twenty-two years could be a liability for Mr. Trump, Ms. Conway replied, “Not at all. Mitt Romney has been dead for for the last four years, and Mr. Trump strongly considered him for the job.”
Reaction from allies around the world was swift.
British Prime Minister Theresa May worried about the precedent of having a dead man serve in such a high position. “It opens the door for Churchill to return, and I’m not sure I could survive that challenge,” she said.
Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, issued a statement that said she was “skeptical that foreign policy could be effectively conducted by a dead man, but we think it is probably better than having to deal with Rudy Giuliani.”
Mr. Nixon, being dead, was not available for comment.
This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. Smile, everybody.