News Ticker

Trump Makes About Face on Flag Burning; Reveals New “Flame Proof Flag”

Trump's new, flameproof, Old Glory

(Political Satire) NEW YORK– In a stunning and unexpected reversal, President-elect Donald trump, who only recently tweeted that anyone who burned the American flag should be “jailed” or lose their citizenship, has changed his mind.

“Democracy is too important,” he Tweeted late today. “Constitution guarantees right to burn flag! America is great!”

Asked why the sudden about face a Trump spokesperson said, “The President-elect changed his mind. That’s what leaders do.”

But an investigation by The Failing Times revealed another reason.

According to  a source inside the Trump camp, who spoke only on the condition of anonymity , before his change of mind, Mr. Trump held a secret meeting this morning with his top aids and business associates, including Calvin J. Prigenhofter, the chairman of The Amalgamated Flag and Banner Company, an early Trump supporter. At this meeting held in his office suite at Trump Penthouse, Mr. Trump revealed a new flag–with plans to bring it to market under the Trump brand.

“Meet the new, Trump-Old Glory,” Mr. Trump said, smiling. “This flag is made with the latest, flameproofing technology. It just will not burn. It’s beautiful, believe me. It’s made of the best materials. The very, very best. No protestor will be able to burn this puppy. The losers can try, but it just won’t work.  Just try and burn it. You can’t. It will not burn. Come here, Chris. Look everybody, I’ll show you.”

According to the source, Mr. Trump was then handed a blow torch  by New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, and he applied a burst of flame to the “flameproof flag.” It immediately exploded into a fireball, setting the drapes in his suite on fire, killing Mr. Prigenhofter and burning off Governor Christie’s eyebrows.

The NYFD was quick to respond, and a spokesman for the The New York City Fire Commissioner said there was substantial damage to the wall and surrounding gold furniture. “I think we can safely say that the flag is not flameproof. Our heart goes out to the Prigenhofter family.”

When The Failing Times asked a source whether or not Mr. Trump had himself just burned an American flag, and therefore, by his own logic should be jailed and lose his citizenship, the source said, “I asked that exact question to Mr. Trump.”

According to the source, Mr. Trump was reported to have answered, “Yeah. I think I better change my mind on that flag burning thing.”


BIG TIME DISCLAIMER: This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. Nobody died. There is no Mr. Prigenhofter. Mr. Christie’s eyebrows are fine. Mr. Trump never did any of this. Although he did Tweet that flag burners should be jailed.

So–Smile, everybody.

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