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GOP Says It Can Fix Medicare If Old People Will Stop Getting Sick

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(Breaking Political Satire) WASHINGTON — GOP Lawmakers said today that they have a foolproof plan to fix Medicare, providing that old people will stop getting sick.

“Listen, ” a spokesperson for Speaker of the House Paul Ryan said, “If old people cannot control themselves and stop abusing the system by getting ill, they are going to bankrupt this country.”

“Not only that, but retired people absolutely refuse to work. They sit around all day long next to pools and drive around in golf carts. Unless they are willing to stop getting sick and go back to work, Medicare as we know it will be doomed,” the spokesperson said.

Medicare, a program that is part of President Johnson’s Great Society, is widely viewed as the most popular and successful government program in history.

“But we’re not running a popularity contest, ” the spokesperson for Ryan’s office said. “We are trying to fix Medicare so that we can cut the crippling taxes that are squashing the dreams and draining the savings of the top 1% of this country. It’s about social justice.”

Mrs. Myrtle T. Fashionblossom, 92, from Sun City Center Florida, has other thoughts on the matter.

“I worked all my life. I have arthritis in both hands, my knees and feet. I have a replacement hip. My back hurts. I live on my Social security check of $912 a month. And I have a message for Mr. Ryan. Tell the government to stay out of my Medicare!”

Mrs. Fashionblossom voted for Donald Trump.


This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. Smile, everybody.