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Hitler Sues American Newspapers To “Stop Calling U.S. Politicians Nazis”

Photo: Bundesarchiv, Bild 146-1990-048-29A / CC-BY-SA 3.0

(Political Satire)(BERLIN) Adolph Hitler, the Nazi leader who rose to power in Germany in the 1930s, has sued several U.S. newspapers demanding that they stop referring to American politicians as “Nazis.”

“Look,” the Führer said in an exclusive interview with The Failing Times, “I spent a long time building the Nazi brand. It’s really a very beautiful, beautiful brand, and I don’t like seeing it sullied by being associated with your loser politicians. It’s sad, really.”

When asked whether he felt the American politicians were not, in fact, learning lessons from him, Mr. Hitler was adamant.

“You guys are pikers. The receptivity of the masses is very limited, okay? And their intelligence is small, but their power of forgetting is enormous. In consequence of these facts, all effective propaganda must be limited to a very few points and must harp on these in slogans until the last member of the public understands what you want him to understand by your slogan. It’s like when I used that slogan, Make Germany Great Again. Nobody knew what the heck that meant, but I just kept saying it over and over again until it stuck, see?”

When The Failing Times brought up the fact that American politicians were recently caught lying, the Führer chuckled.

“If you wish the sympathy of the broad masses, you must tell them the crudest and most stupid things. So,if you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed. You guys give up too soon.”

Mr. Hitler also commented on the lack of skill American politicians displayed for their craft.

“Listen and learn, grasshopper. The best way to take control over a people and control them utterly is to take a little of their freedom at a time, to erode rights by a thousand tiny and almost imperceptible reductions. In this way, the people will not see those rights and freedoms being removed until past the point at which these changes cannot be reversed. You guys are amateurs.”

When pressed for more, the German dictator offered a few more words on the record.

“Okay. The art of leadership…well, it consists in consolidating the attention of the people against a single adversary and taking care that nothing will split up that attention. Get it?  So, maybe look for somebody, like a woman in public service, say, and attack her for twenty or more years. You guys got a lot to learn.”

*****

This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. Smile, everybody.

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