(Political Satire)(PALM BEACH, FL) President-elect Donald J. Trump emerged from seclusion from his Thanksgiving holiday today to reveal that his notoriously tiny hands had been transplanted, with much, much, larger hands.
“Look at these beautiful meat hooks,” Mr. Trump yelled at photographers. “These are the best hands, the absolute best, gigantic, huge hands! And you know what that means,” he winked. “These are the hands of a president. Beautiful, hard! Such hard, hard, hands.”
Mrs. Trump had no comment.
The Failing Times spoke to the surgeon who performed the procedure and asked where the donor hands had come from. “I’m not completely certain,” said Dr. Hans Meserschmidt, chief of orthopedics at The University of Brazil Hospital. “But the rumor has it they were swapped for Mitt Romney’s.”
Trump spokesperson Kellyanne Convoy denied that Trump’s new hands had come from Romney. “There are plenty of fine, fine, Republican hands to choose from who were much more loyal to the President-elect than Romney’s, ” she said early today. “We gave a great deal of thought to whose hands we’d use. We saw a lot of first class candidates.”
But a gas station attendant near Governor Romney’s home told the Failing Times that the former governor was having trouble holding on to his car keys. “His hands were just so small. I don’t remember Governor Romney having such teeny, tiny hands.”
Later, the President-elect Tweeted, “Just got bigger hands than Hillary. I’m making America Great Again!”
This story is POLITICAL SATIRE and NOT Real News. Smile, everybody.